Guinea Pigs? Huh? Yup, there is an ebook for Guinea Pig owners… and how!!!
I spend a lot of my research time in the deeper reaches of the internet, looking for information about my mainstream posts, but in the course of this delving, I find myself frequently distracted by the rather weird and wonderful things that live down in the lower regions of Google (Pages 50 to 200). And this ebook that purports to let you into all manner of arcane secrets about rearing and tending for your Guinea Pigs is surely one of the stranger ones.
Firstly, there is nothing odd about writing and selling an ebook all about the care of Guinea Pigs, lots of people own and love them dearly, but this one is presented in such a splendidly hucksterish manner. More in the style of a street market or circus than a normal book seller. The prose in the advertisement is wonderful.. I shall quote liberally from it, as it is such fun.
On his first line he sets the tone for the remaining several hundred lines of purple prose, to wit:
These are the Guinea Pig “secrets” pet stores don’t want you to know!
Good stuff, isn’t it? Why would pet stores have secrets about Guinea Pigs that they don’t want you to know? The mind boggles at what these secrets might be… so read on and perhaps all will be revealed. Well, actually, they wont be revealed, that is the whole point of the ad… tempt you with the revelations that will be given you should you part with your money and buy the ebook.
He goes on to say the following:
Did you just get a new guinea pig and have no idea how to care for it?
Do you own a guinea pig who “looks” sick and is losing his energy?
Are you interested in learning the best, fastest and easiest way to care for your guinea pig so that he lives a long and healthy life, without spending a lot of money on supplies?
If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, then this may very well be the most exciting message you’ve read all day. Here’s why…
You’re about to discover a proven system for optimizing your guinea pig’s health and energy. This system works whether your guinea pig is healthy or sick.
So far all perfectly reasonable, but wait…… He goes on………
Here’s the thing: Guinea pigs are very delicate creatures.
I’ve compiled all my knowledge into an easy to follow, downloadable guide called “The Ultimate Guinea Pig Handbook: Help with Caring for your Furry Friend.“
So far, so good…
He then starts his pitch
Here Are Three Good Reasons To Believe Me When I Tell You Your Guinea Pig Will Live a Long and Disease-Free Life
- 450 other guinea pig owners use this very same system you’ll be using.
- In the past 3 WEEKS alone, over 250 NUMBER OF people have signed up to receive my exclusive Guinea Pig Secrets newsletter.
- I’m the only person in the training industry that’ll let you keep his entire system FREE if it doesn’t work for your guinea pig.
(Nobody else in is willing to put their “money where their mouth is” like this…)
The bottom line is this: My system is 100% guaranteed to work for you …just like it’s worked for 450 other guinea pig owners before you.
I love the figures, bearing in mind that this is on a website that doesn’t appear to be updated very often………
Then, in the time honoured way of Quack Doctors, he goes on to make the following rather startling claim…….
Of course, I also provide step by step “quick cure” instructions for every single guinea pig illness. So, you’ll have complete peace of mind knowing that if your guinea pig does ever fall ill, you’ll have the knowledge to cure him quickly and inexpensively.
Every single Guinea Pig illness? Now that is a claim to say Sir to.
In fairness to the proud author of this seminal work, it is actually for the most part not stupid, most of the information is relevant and useful to anyone contemplating keeping a Guinea Pig….. But, personally I would rather simply Google “how to care for Guinea Pig” and get all the info for free, but that is me, I am a miserly soul.
In the course of the book, he covers bedding, cage design and care, health problems, feeding and a load of other points, so it does give you useful info, I suppose.
Here is his list of subjects covered in this wonderful ebook:
- A complete guide to the guinea pig cage and how to easily maintain a healthy environment.
- The 5 things you must do before placing your guinea pig in his new home.
- What to feed your guinea pig – and what not to give him! There is a ton of inaccurate info out there. I’ll tell you the truth so you never have to wonder again!
- How to care for a single guinea pig and more than one!
- The importance of bedding and why this is a crucial component of your cage. I’ll tell you what type of bedding to buy and how much to use.
- How to choose a healthy guinea pig from the store — there are little known things to look for that the pet store owner’s don’t want you to know!
- The surefire signs of guinea pig illness that will tell you if your guinea pig needs medical attention.
- An entire chapter devoted to guinea pig illnesses and cures. Your guinea pig has the potential to completely recover from an illness, but it’s not how you think. I’ll show you the truth about curing your guinea pig.
- Why a specific type of bedding – frequently recommended – is actually extremely dangerous for your guinea pig. It’s known to cause respiratory problems.
- A complete guide to all the accessories your guinea pig needs to be happy in his new home.
- A complete guinea pig first aid kit. This is an important one! The supplies in this kit just may save your guinea pig’s life!
- Where you should never place your guinea pig cage in your house. Put it here and it just might kill him!
- How to tell if your guinea pig is running a fever. The proper body temperature for a guinea pig (you may be surprised to learn what it is!).
- What’s the proper heart rate for your guinea pig? The Ultimate Guinea Pig Handbook will tell you.
- Where in the room to place your guinea pig cage.
- A crash course on guinea pig behavior. Knowing what’s normal and healthy behavior – and what’s not! – can help you provide the best possible care for your guinea pig.
- All about feeding your guinea pig, including tips on varying his diet to make sure his intestinal tract stays healthy.
- What to do if your guinea pig won’t eat.
- The importance of quarantine cage and how to set one up.
- Why your guinea pig loves to be on a schedule – and why it’s great for his health.
- An entire chapter devoted to breeding your guinea pigs — step-by-step instructions from start to finish.
- How to prepare food for your guinea pig. This one is easy, and it’s a ton of fun to watch him eat it!
- What your guinea pig can’t eat! Knowing this will save your guinea pig from potential health problems.
- How to arrange your plants in your tank for optimum visual effect.
- How to properly introduce your guinea pig to his new cage mates. This is very important as you don’t want to cause your guinea pigs any undue stress as it could lead to illnesses later on.
So, he seems to have covered every possible side of Guinea Pig care….. Good…
Next he turns his attention to how you can obtain this wonderful ebook, as follows……..
You’ll discover much more in this rare and candid guinea pig care system.
And what’s really great is that You Can Be Absorbing This Amazing Guinea Pig Care System In The Next 30 Seconds!
You can order this amazing system right now and actually start discovering these guinea pig care secrets within 30 seconds… yes, that is right… WITHIN 30 SECONDS you can have a healthier guinea pig and attractive – and healthy – cage!
That’s because I’ve taken the entire system and turned it into a downloadable eBook.
All you need to do is open the eBook on your computer and begin reading!
But don’t worry, downloading the information in “The Ultimate Guinea Pig Handbook” is a real snap. I’m no “techno whiz” and I had no problem. (It works perfectly with both MAC and PC computers.)
And that’s not nearly all
This downloadable guide reveals same closely guarded secrets that have transformed 100 NUMBER other guinea pigs…and continue to be used by an average of 10 new guinea pig owners per day.
Now for the part I really love!
This information-packed guide normally sells for .95 in its offline “physical” format.
But thanks to a special arrangement I’ve made with the publisher we’ve made his sensational resource “The Ultimate Guinea Pig Handbook” which contains my entire guinea pig care system, available to you as a downloadable ebook directly accessible from the Internet.
This way I have no inventory and no fulfillment costs. I don’t need to pay anyone to take the orders over the phone. This way I can pass along my cost savings to you. So you win and I win. But don’t worry, downloading the information in “The Ultimate Guinea Pig Handbook” is a real snap. I’m no “techno whiz” and I had no problem. (It works perfectly with both MAC and PC computers.)
Also, I’m offering it at this low price because this entire “internet sale” is part of a marketing test I’m trying out. Frankly, I plan to raise the price by an extra .00 (at least) in the very near future.
But even at a higher price, it’d be a bargain because this system works like crazy!
I know from first hand, personal experience that it does and I’m so confident you’ll love it that I’m offering the following guarantee:
Your Guinea Pig Will Be So Beautiful – and “Guinea Pig Friendly” and Your Guinea Pig Will be So Happy and Healthy That Your Friends Will Be Jealous Or Else I’ll Give You 100% Of Your Money Back And Still Let You Keep This Entire System For FREE!
You heard me correctly. This amazing guide is guaranteed to work for you. And I stand behind it 100%. Test drive it for 60 days.
One area of Guinea Piggery he doesn't cover!
I have written this post because the way this guy writes about his ebook amused me enormously, but I haven’t gone so far as to actually order the thing myself, so I don’t know what it actually is, so you buy it at your own risk.
Further, I am pretty sure he has other ebooks of a similar nature online, I have come across his style on other sites, devoted to other interests and hobbies, such as model trains, golfing, fishing and so on.. all written in the same overblown manner. So I am almost certain that he has many such ebooks to sell… which may all be perfectly good and usable ebooks, but equally, might well be totally useless, So take care before buying this one.
But, the site is worth a visit, it is so over the top.
So, how do you actually buy this jewel among pet care ebooks? Here is the link, enjoy….. (O: